Tom's First Parent's Evening

So on Tuesday afternoon we went to Tom's first parents' evening.  From experience from other parents we were expecting an easy time with the teacher telling us how lovely Tom is etc etc - especially as I baby-sat for Fred, one of his classmates prior to Tom's session.  His parents came home saying that the teacher said how fond of him she is and how well he is doing  etc etc.  However, we live in the North and Tom has a straight speaking teacher.

To be honest we were both taken by surprise and quite deflated by it all, and as a result we didn't ask the right questions.  Anyhow the upshot is this:

1) Tom hasn't made any notable friendships at school and doesn't seem to interact with the other children.  He will be around other children, but he isn't chatting / playing with them.  

2) He doesn't seem to be enthused or animated by anything.  There is no evidence of him really enjoying himself.  He doesn't seem to be motivated by anything - for example if they are doing writing / cutting etc (educational stuff) he thinks he can't do it and therefore doesn't do it.  All the other children will do it and then go back to playing and he will stay on his own not doing it.  The opportunity to play once he has finished isn't enough of a carrot to make him do it.  He ends up needing more teacher attention and encouragement than the others to finish off these tasks. 

3) He has good motor skills in that he can form letters well, but he struggles big time with scissors, which she finds strange as the two should go hand in hand.

4) He reads well but is unable to put the sounds he knows together to write words.  She finds this strange as apparently the other children who know all their sounds are attempting to write freestyle. He thinks he can't do it.

5) He knows his numbers well but doesn't seem to understand mathematical terms.  For example: when Mrs Pickard asked him what 3 add 2 was he said 32.  Apparently it took her completely by surprise as they don't focus on anything above 20.  We explained that he knows his numbers into the thousands now.  The problem I think is diction and hearing.  'Add' sounds like 'and'.  We discovered he can add and subtract, but you have to ask him using very specific words for him to answer correctly.

6) He still suffers very badly from lack of concentration.  It is very hard to keep him on task, especially when it is art / craft based.  When doing his reading, they very often have to take him out of the classroom so he focuses on it.

7) PE - he started off lacking in bravery but is now leaping and jumping with the others.

8) Positive news - he has gained enough confidence to talk to the class every week with his Wow Wednesdays - phew!

As you can see - he hasn't read the book on how to perform at school and is therefore confusing his teacher!  He has never done anything according to developmental books - I did explain this to her.  At least he is consistent in this respect.

I'm not worried about the educational side - they are all things that I can work on.  Mrs Pickard has given me a list of things to do with him.  She's even given me homework to do with him in Japan (a little cheeky as they have confirmed they will fine us!).  

What upset me was points 1 and 2: not making any notable friendships and not enjoying anything.  I had no idea.  He meets up with his friends outside of school quite regularly and plays happily with them, interacting with them and is generally a happy soul at home and a little mad at times.  Mrs Pickard said that she very rarely gets anything back from him.  She remembers one time when they got the parachute out and he was very happy and enthusiastic but that is pretty much it.  The last thing in the world I wanted for him was to be a loner at school.  I'm a little concerned that school is inhibiting him?  Why isn't he enjoying himself?  It could all be to do with his hearing - 5 year olds gabble and if you can't hear properly you would zone out.  I must admit I regularly zone out!

Anyhow it is good that she has told us as it is and didn't gloss over it.  I am glad for that as now we know what to work on.  On speaking to some mums who know him, they are all surprised with the feedback we got regarding his social skills, I guess he must act differently in the classroom to home?

We have spoken to him and he admits to not concentrating and not working hard on tasks but he is adamant that he does mix with his classmates, play with them and chat with them.  I don't know what / who to believe.  He has never been a leader, always a follower, so he probably doesn't initiate any activity but I thought he knew enough characters well enough now to have friends.  On speaking to Caroline (Fred's mum) when we arrived back to pick up Tom, she was quite surprised and thinks that Tom plays nicely with her two and shows animation in what he does.  Tom also seems to charm the girls and is always being proposed to.  He's been invited to Freya's house and got on really well with her there, so he can't be completely alone.

Anyway, we had a long chat with him this morning before school, he says he does enjoy it.  We told him to concentrate and to try at everything - that it is ok to make mistakes.  After school today after a session on ramps in the car park we did cutting and writing where I didn't tell him how to spell anything.  To be fair to him, he tried really hard and we ended up with a really nice collage which is going to Grandpa once he's presented it at Wow Wednesday next week.  We will keep working on him.