Happy Birthday!

So, I had the best birthday ever!  There were a number of contributing factors: the fact I don't have cancer and therefore didn't have any anxiety might have been a big one!  Also the weather was just glorious - it got up to 25 degrees, with blue sky all day and Matt was free for the day.  What could be better?

Matt asked me what I wanted to do - I wanted to go for a walk in the Dales and decided on the Ribblehead circuit.   We set off at 10.30, it was a magnificent day, and not too hazy considering it was so sunny.  It was very windy, but unusually for Yorkshire, it was a warm wind.  Before too long I had taken my jumper off and was wearing a strapless top and feeling hot - in May - on my birthday????!!!!!!

Baaaaaaaa

We did the walk easily - my stamina has really come on in the last week, however, my scar still hurts.  I feel like I need to put it in a corset or something to stop it jigging up and down when I walk.  I guess because it is so long (I've just measured it: 9 inches / 22 cm) and stomachs are round lumpy things (well mine is anyway) it is always going to jig up and down.  Something also happened on the left side of my body near my leg because it always feels tight to walk on my left hand side and it doesn't really loosen when I walk.  The bit which is tight seems a long way from the operation area, however, all the pain I experience is on the left hand side of my body so I guess something happened / got cut there.  I have no idea what though as I would have thought everything was symmetrical that he took out other than the omentum and appendix and the appendix is on the other side.  Anyhow, I managed the walk just fine but I wouldn't have wanted to do anything too much longer.

Having lunch

We then headed up to Hawes and had lunch outside at the Wensleydale Creamery, having half a soup and flatbread each.  Very nice it was too.   Just as we were leaving Hawes, my phone went.  It was Dr Morgan - I knew she would come through!  She asked with trepidation what my news was and was flabbergasted when I told her!  She then of course asked what it was then? I told her inclusion cysts - she didn't sound convinced.  I explained our experience at the hospital last Thursday and she agreed it was unsatisfactory.  She said that she would make some phone calls to try to get to the bottom of it for me.  In the meantime she was very happy for me and she told me to enjoy life and do all those things I had put on my bucket list as a result of having a possible terminal diagnosis over my head.  I'm going to see her in two weeks time, when hopefully she will have some answers for me.

Funny thing is I hadn't made a bucket list. I am lucky in that I have had a fantastic life, I've experienced loads, travelled the world, done some mad things, lived in the city, done the business woman thing, escaped from doing the business woman thing, married a lovely, sweet man, had a child, decided on where to live, what job to do etc etc.  Who could ask for more?  I certainly didn't have any regrets or 'what if' scenarios going on in my head.  I was just worried for Tom and Matt - if the worse happened I wanted Tom to have clear memories of me, and I wasn't sure if he was old enough for that?

Look at that sky!

Being given a possible cancer diagnosis is very lonely and very scary place to be.  However, I have been lucky to have had some fantastic support and it looks like we've come out of it unscathed (but not unscarred!)  I think Matt and I are closer as a result - he has really been a rock, I couldn't have asked for more, we have had many nights cuddled up on the sofa, drinking wine and just enjoying being held by each other - he has provided me with so much comfort.  On release from hospital he didn't allow me to go anywhere by myself and held my hand everywhere.  He is only just beginning to trust me to go out by myself now.

My favourite boy in his favourite place

He's also had to turn down a lot of work to be able to visit me in hospital, look after me etc, all of which I appreciate, it would have been a very different experience if he went out to work - the transition from hospital to home would have been much harder.  He has also had to deal with his own demons too.  We have had a chat about our worse fears, we were both in very dark places at some stages during the process - they will inevitably leave their marks with us, but hopefully we will be stronger and appreciate the good things in life more now as a result.

The stream in Barbondale

I have also had some fantastic friends around supporting me, especially Janine.  Without Janine I don't know what we would have done.  Always popping round for a drink, allowing us to ramble on, coming to the hospital to visit.  What a diamond she is.  I want to get her something to say thank you, but can't think of anything appropriate - nothing would be good enough!  Oh and get this - I told her that I got some vases for my birthday but no flowers, so she went out yesterday and made a special trip somewhere to buy me loads of flowers to put in the vases - this after she had already given me a voucher for The Old Post Office, and this is a lady that doesn't have much money!  She really is one of life's amazing golden hearted people.

Anyway, I've digressed!  It was good to chat to Dr Morgan, and hopefully when I see her in two weeks time we will know more.

The new skinny me!

After the phone call was over we decided to head back home via Dent (ice-cream break for Matt) and Barbondale.  We had a very nice play around Barbondale, it was looking it's best and the water was so low that you could walk across the streams.  My heart by this time was full: full of love for life, for Matt, for good friends, for good weather, for scenery, quite simply for being!  It really is a magical place.  Matt wants his ashes scattered here, I think this is a good idea, I wouldn't mind to end up there either.

We then headed home in time to pick Tom up from school.  We were then back to regular family life, sorting out dinner, Beavers etc etc.  Tom actually sewed a badge on to his blanket in Beavers - not bad for a first attempt - he didn't stab himself and the badge is securely on the blanket.

Anyway it was a lovely birthday - a lovely stress free, anxious free day.