Goodbye Gran, So sorry you never met Tom

Not a great day today. Gran died this morning at 5am. She was the only member of the family not to meet Tom. We were planning to go down to see her at the end of this month - I guess we were 3 weeks too late. Hindsight is a great thing, I have been beating myself up all day with 'what if's', 'if onlys' etc.

Why oh why didn't we make the effort to go earlier? Why didn't I keep on trying to call Judy after initially not being able to get hold of her.

We can't turn the clock back, so we have to be thankful that she knew of Tom's existence. At least I wrote to her last week with some recent photos, so I hope we were foremost in her mind. Now is the time to feel for Dad and Judy. Judy is on holiday, so Dad was the next of kin who had to speak to the hospital and make decisions that everyone dreads. Judy has got to cope with the fact her mum died when she was on holiday. Not an easy time for anyone.

Gran was 94, so she had a good innings, she was a tough, strong minded woman, someone who I looked up to. She didn't have an easy life, but I never once heard her complain about her lot in life. I hope that I can be as strong as her. She was highly intelligent, very well read and enjoyed a tipple - we always had to buy the odd bottle or five on our day trips to Calais to drop in to her when she lived in Folkestone!

Everything else that happened today seems to have paled into insignificance, although I must say that Tom is a great comfort. I have been encouraging him to sit up, using the drum that Carol got him for his naming day. (I love this pressie - think I have played with it as much, if not more than Tom!). I took him to be weighed - he's lost an ounce - but I think we can put that down to him refusing to take his milk during the day on Thursday and Friday last week. It's not anything to worry about and he's taking his solids and milk OK now that our days are back to normal.